Tuesday, September 2, 2008

How is life different for your children than when you were growing up?

Today is the day that I have my weekly report to do from Ms. Kathy over at http://mamakatslosinit.blogspot.com/

Who does she think she is giving me MORE work to add to my ever increasing, yet never decreasing to-do list ? Who I ask? Well, a wonderfully funny person, that's who. One that is so nice & is willing to share the *luv* with us that not only is she giving us ideas of what to write, but she's letting us link from her site to ours, meaning that more than 1 person will likely be visiting. WoooooHooooo! That's exciting! So on to my assignment.

How is life different for your children than when you were growing up?

As a child myself, my mother never lied to me.

She believed in not lying to us EVER!
What she really meant was that she would not lie to us about Santa Claus.
She always clearly and distinctively told us he didn't exist.
She never lied about the Easter Bunny.
Again, doesn't exist.
She never lied about the Tooth Fairy either.
She made it very clear that we understood that she herself would give us money for our teeth, since other parents just put it under their kid's pillows anyways, pretending to be the tooth fairy because again, the tooth fairy doesn't exist.
I was a sad little kid that was taught that Santa never existed.
I was a sad little kid that was not taught how to believe.

The presents I received at Christmas were given to me by my mother, not by Santa.
She made sure we understood that.

The Santa that went to our school every year and gave us a present was not the real santa like I so wanted to believe.
He was just Mrs. So&So's husband dressed up in a Santa Suit.
She made sure we understood that.

Why Oh Why would she do that?

Why would she not just let us believe?

I love my mother to death, but what a way to crush a kid's heart.
She didn't know that unknowingly she raised and taught us not to believe. Not to imagine. Not to hope.

But don't go hating on my mother thinking of her as a cruel woman. She was not a bad mother at all. On the contrary, she's a great mom and was only trying to protect us. The reasoning behind her truthfulness is this. She grew up in a family of 12 brothers and sisters. As you may well imagine, having so many kids to feed and clothe, my grandparents didn't have much money.... Yes, they always provided the basics but couldn't afford much more. Well, my mother had girl cousins whose family was better off than her own. So when she was a child, she couldn't understand why Santa would always give her cousins such beautiful dolls and toys, while he only left her pieces of candy or cookies.
Year after year the story repeated itself. When she questioned my grandma, she would tell her this story about how Santa would start his route over by her cousin's house, and unfortunatley by the time he got over to their house he'd ran out of the good toys. Well, my mom's heart was broken year after year. Even though her mother tried explaining the situation, she couldn't understand why he couldn't change his route and start at her house so she could get a doll just like she'd ask him to in her letters to him.
It never happened.
And her heart was crushed.

Santa never did give her the doll she always wanted. Then she grew up & was told the truth that there was no Santa Claus, and she realized how year after year she'd been disappointed and her heart was broken, and she swore that whenever she had children she would never lie to them about Santa. Her children would not know the heartbreak of wanting and not receiving the toy her cousins or friends received from Santa. Her children would not question themselves on why Santa didn't like them, or liked their cousins more. Her children would know that the gift they received, be it a toy or a candy, was from their mother, because that was what their mother could afford, and not from Santa. Because Santa didn't exist, and she made that very clear to us. Her children would know that the gift they receive is what their mother could afford to give then, and not what Santa thought they deserve.

So when I had children, what was I to do? Grandma lied to mother telling her Santa was real, only to crush her spirit when she never got the toys she asked for.

Mother never lied, telling us Santa was not real, only to crush our spirit by not allowing us to believe.

Well guess what I decided to do as a mother ? To lie of course.... Yes, little white lies.
This mother does have her children believe in Santa Claus and the tooth fairy. The Easter Bunny not so much, 'cause I never understood that one! But what a cruel little world where kids don't believe in Santa. What a cruel little world where kids don't believe in the tooth fairy. That's the world in which I lived. And that is the world that I chose not to let my daughters live in.

Sure, they've tried calling me out. After all, Monkey is 10 already and started doubting Santa ever since she started school and those stupid kids try telling her the truth. The truth! Don't you see, my baby can't handle the truth~ I like seeing my daughters live in the real world, yet mixed in with a little bit of magic. Because surely Santa requires at least a little bit of magic to make it all over the world in one night~ And it requires a little bit of magic for the tooth fairy to be able to fly each and every night, making her rounds, collecting all those baby teeth. And I see nothing wrong with little white lies that will provide my daughters with that little bit of magic in their lives. That little bit of hope. That little bit of make believe.

Plus, it's great to be able to say " Santa's watching. If you want a nice gift then you better behave!" which they do! Because they believe............


Tabi said...

We are white liers too! I LOVE christmas morning when the kids walk in and see what santa brought them but just simply can't believe that they didn't hear him! Love it! I remember not being too devestated when I finally found out as a kid so hopefully my children won't be either!

Rachel said...

That is the joy of being a kid; dreaming, believing and not worrying. I was raised that there was a Santa Claus until I found the Pillow People Doll I wanted and found in my mom's closet only to open the gift on Christmas Day to see SANTA on it as the giver..I was heart broken that it wasn't Santa but my mom. But it's fun to believe not to worry; so I passed this on to my kids; except I use different wrapping paper, write like a 2 year old and hopefully the keep believing. My son is 9 and still believes...I tell him you have to believe to receive and don't go listening to some dorko at school; what do they know anyway...he replies "your right mom"...great post!

Pregger TJ said...

My parents "lied" to me & still continue to write that presents are from Santa. I think it's way cute considering I'm 29 years old. I do it to my husband now & he thinks I'm a dork. There's nothing wrong with still having that little glimpse of hoping & wishing!!

Insane Mama said...

I firmly believe in white lies

Insane Mama said...

I firmly believe in white lies

Joy said...

OH how I love the white lies to my kids:)

now that oldest is in 1st grade it makes me so nervous about the day he starts to question Santa and others.

Hubs and I have so much fun at christmas and easter and lost teeth (even if they cost me $5/pc) it is still so much fun.

Thanks so much for dropping by my blog, I know I am not funny like Kat but hey at least my kids are cute:)

Emily said...

Make believe is a wonderful thing! When DO you tell your kids that Santa isn't real... hate to have them hear it from friends @ school- luckily it's a little early for me to worry about that (my 1st is 8 months old. :)

MrsWhimsy said...

The wonderful thing about having kids is that you actually start to believe in those little white lies. I can totally understand why your mom did what she did, but I am with you...little white lies are the best.

Jessica said...

I love your story! I love your reasoning for telling the little white lies. My hubby wants to tell the truth about Santa, but I want the kids to believe. I hope you don't mind, I now plan on using your story for annumition for my side!

Diane said...

Oh, the first part of your post made me so sad... we all need to believe, if only for a little while. But I have to admit, the year my daughter was 5, I was VERY tempted to take that magic away... I complained that she never played with a very expensive (and MUCH requested) toy... her response? "Well, Santa brought it, so it's not like anyone PAID for it." Grrrrrr. I didn't spill the beans, though... not for a few more years... :)

Krazy Armstrong K's! said...

It's ALL about the little white lies! How sad not to beleive! great post!

Mama's Losin' It said...

Awwww...I feel so sorry for the young version of your mom. :( It was a hard decision for me too whether I wanted to lie to my kids or be honest...I'm a liar.

It's more fun that way. :)

Solei said...

I'm so glad that we're all a bunch of liars!!!

Tabi- Christmas mornings ARE the best. No doubt! That's when you confirm that it was ok to lie to your kids!

Rachel- I sooo do that too! Different wrapping paper, label, writing & way of wrapping. Oh yeah! Sounds like we're both good at lying. We thought of everything!

Pregger tj- that's so sweet... i'll probably be doing the same thing for my girls, since I really don't know when to break it to them.

insame mama- me too!

joy- welcome to the club. glad you're a liar too! hehe
and yes, i'll admit, your kids are way tooooo cute, and I loved your blog so don't put yourself down. you're on my roll. =0D

emily- what age to bring out the truth? sh!t. I hadn't thought of that. I just might be like pregger tj's mom, keep on giving Santa gifts even at 29. after all, I wouldn't want the kiddos to 'think' mommy's a liar, teehee!

mrs. whimsy- I no doubt have to believe my own lies, or else I'll blow my cover!

Jessica- I hope you win!!! Kids need to believe!

Diane- Ha! same thing happened 2 me. Dream gift (or so they said)= Disney Princess Castle. That sucker cost me, um Santa over 100 bucks. When I started complaining on how expensive it was & it never got used, they're like but Santa gave it to us, not you. Oh, yeah! I forgot. Good thing I didn't spend MY money on an expensive, unused toy.

krazy armstrong k- i agree!

Ms. Kat- yes, i feel sorry for my mommy too. can u believe when she was old enough to work, her very 1st paycheck was used to buy the biggest & most beautiful doll ever! That's how much it affected her. So i understand why she did it.
even though I am a liar!

thank u all for stopping by!!!
thanks mama kat for making this possible! I had never had so many visitors or posts. It feels great!

Los said...

I remember when I heard a "rumor" that the tooth fairy wasn't real ... the next time I lost a tooth, I stayed up all night waiting for my mom to come in ... and she did ... I felt like a private eye who broke a case. I guess I was a little disappointed, too.

Jennifer P. said...

I loved how real this was. I loved that there wasn't really any "happy medium" to the problem--either you believe or you don't--and both ways seem to have their problems. We're believers around here too. But only in Santa. I never understood the giant bunny thing either, and the tooth fairy--well, I tried telling my kids it was me, but they said "yeah--it's you being the tooth fairy! Do you grow wings?" So I guess I'm at peace with my decision :)

Thank you so much for the sweet comment on my blog. I have loved all the www posts I've got to read so far! Cool group!

Have a great day!

angie said...

Aren't her prompts fun? i've really enjoyed them and of course I love her. Thanks for stopping by and good luck with Tiffany's giveaway.

Mrs. S said...

It's such a hard balance to say "yes there's a Santa" and having your kids know you told a white lie later on. Granted, it's not hurting anyone REALLY, but for some kids it's hard to comprehend.
I understand your mother trying to protect you. It's hard when you're a kid and others seem to get better presents (I had cousins similar to hers).