Summer's Almost Here

That time of year again folks... time to go shopping for bathing suits! Ooooooooh the horror!

Now if you EVER, ever, ever, ever, ever, eeeeeever want to torture me, just tell me I need a new bathing suit. Done. Finito. You are now on my enemy list.

However (and thank Goodness for my very own sanity) the shopping torture, eh spree... wasn't for me! Eeewh! I tortured myself about 2 months ago on that one! As much as I love to procrastinate about everything I possibly can, when it comes to bathing suits, I need as much of a head start as I can. Nothing, and I mean nothing (in terms of bathing suits where EVERYTHING is exposed, come on , it's like going around in your underwear for crying out loud. And I do almost cry out loud over bathing suits) is ever flattering on my skinny ass body as it is, and then having to choose from what's left over. I don't fucken think so. I CANNOT work like that. I need fresh new inventory. First dibs. On EVERYTHING. Even if it is only to prove that nothing fits just right.

hmmm, I think I have to change my strategy next time I grow out of my bathing suit, eh my bathing suit shrinks. I should probably just go shopping at the end of the season, that way I won't feel so bad that the leftovers don't fit, because of course they don't fit ANYBODY or else somebody would have already bought them. See, I'm not the problem, it's the suit. Think that'll work? Me neither, but it was worth a shot.

Oh, and once I was actually done with the torture of buying my suit ( of course, a tankini with a skirt over the bottom area. How lame!) I came home and modeled for my husband. Well guess what he said?

"That doesn't look like a bathing suit! It looks more like an outfit." says dear old hubby.

I could have killed him at this point.... but he was right.
Sooooo, the big ol' Mexican macho that he is, I proceded to lift up my skirt to show only the bottom (which is straight out underwear except in a different lycra material!) and then lifted the tankini top to make it a bra... come on people, that's what bathing suits really are, your underwear in material that's ok to get wet constantly, but yet has no support in the boob area at all!!! and makes your butt look flabby for some reason. Ok so I basically transformed my grandma outfit (although in very hip, cool colors I might add, not the grandma flower type but brown with polka dots, very cute) into a bikini. And I showed my hubby what a real suit should look like.

"Ok, so would you actually be ok with me walking around in a bikini like this, 'cause you know, it's just like if you're seeing me in my underwear?"

"Uh, well" (knowing very well he's put his foot in his mouth and can' t back out of this one) " well, yeah, I guess. if you want."

Woooooohooooooooo!!! So ok, I'm actually going to kick ass and work out big-time to fit my tiny ass into a bikini !!! First we gotta get rid of the small pouch, the small love handles, the cottage cheese & lift that tiny ass. Does anybody know of an excercise that'll lift the tiny tits as well? I need an excercise for that one! Lemme know, k?

So Pilates video, after about 6 months in my dvd stash without ever coming out, your packaging is finally coming off. I WILL get my ass into a bikini. I can't die without ever experiencing it, and now that I have the blessing from my hubby, I'm a go for it.

Kinda sad that I've never worn a bikini right? Let me explain.
I've been extremely skinny all my life, and when I was a teenager (before kids) I felt my stick legs & small tits wouldn't do a bikini justice, so I never went for it. Stupid kid! I should have when I had the opportunity.
Now, after kids. Well I already mentioned the small belly, the love handles, the cottage cheese & did I mention the drooping boobs????? Kind of sad when I'm not even 30 yet... So mark my words, i will fit my ass into a bikini. I will!

Edited to add: Yes, Monkey & Princess did get their bathing suits. They had tons to choose from & they ALL fit perfectly. Go figure! Their problem was narrowing it down to one they liked the most. My problem, narrowing it down to the one I hate the least.